Real Love (03/08/25)
“It is one thing to love the
neighbor on account of the good or use [they are] to us, and another to love [them] from the good or use we may be to [them]” (Faith 21). False love does the first. If it loves the neighbor, it does so…on account of the good or use they are to self, for the sake of what can be gained from the relationship in the way of personal or material benefit. False love is therefore also fickle, for as soon as it no longer sees the benefit to self, it withdraws its love, and it can even turn against the
one it professed to love when it fails to obtain what it hoped for.
Real love, on the other hand, is quite different. Because it really has regard for others and values them for their own sake-because they are God's creations, and not because they in some way serve self or flatter self-therefore it loves the neighbor from the good or use it may be to them, and this without any selfish motive or thought of recompense. Real love is consequently not fickle but steadfast and constant, because it lives from its own effort to love and
does not depend on some reward to go on loving.
For the same reason, real love is also capable of loving apparent adversaries, and even actual adversaries, from the good or use it may be to them. False love is incapable of this; in truth it doubts the possibility of it, because it does not really have others as the objects of its love. But real love can so love because it does love others and is in the constant effort to continue to love. Even in struggling with another, therefore, inwardly it continues to endeavor for the other's
good. That this is what the nature of love ought to be is what the Lord meant when He said, "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be the children of your Father who is in heaven" (Matt. 5:44, 45; cf. Luke 6:27, 28).
Real love [also] seeks conjunction with others. Indeed, "love viewed in itself is nothing but an endeavor to conjunction" (Swedenborg, True Christianity 43:3). False love looks to no other
association than that of a master with their servants or of a profiteer with their agents. It seeks service rather than companionship, advantage rather than fellowship.
Real love, by contrast, does not regard others as servants or agents but as friends (Swedenborg, Secrets of Heaven 1088). It is glad in their company, and mourns at estrangement. It is distressed by whatever may interfere with friendship and fellowship. Real love is therefore quick to apologize for injuries done and tries to rectify them. It understands what the Lord meant when He said in His sermon on the mount: "if you bring your
gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matt. 5:23, 24).
By the same token, love-real love-is also quick to overlook the injuries of others if it can, or it tries to excuse them and put a good interpretation on them (see Swedenborg, Secrets of Heaven 1079, 6655). In the spiritual world, evil spirits find pleasure in accusing and condemning other people. There are some who even make a habit of going around and observing the faults and
vices of others and then telling them privately to their companions; "or they whisper them in the ear when others are present; and they see and interpret everything-for the worst, and [so] set themselves above others" (Swedenborg, Secrets of Heaven 4657). Those without charity on earth do similarly. But love excuses. It knows that attention to the mote in another's eye will do nothing to remove the beam that is in its own eye (ref. Matt. 7:3-5). "I will have mercy, and not sacrifice," says the
Lord (Hosea 6:6, Matt. 9:13, 12:7). "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy"(Matt. 5:7). And love both asks and answers, "With what shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the High God? . . . He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly with your God" (Mic. 6:6, 8).
Love is, therefore, merciful, and because it is merciful it is also forgiving, that it may be well between him and his neighbor. Love takes the attitude of
the Psalmist: “If Thou, Lord, should mark iniquities. O Lord, who shall stand?" (Ps. 130:3). Love accordingly forgives others their trespasses from a sympathetic heart, and it forgives repeatedly, as often as is needed, without counting. That this, too, is what the nature of love ought to be is what the Lord meant by His reply to Peter in answer to the question, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to
seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'"(Matt. 18:21, 22). Practically speaking, in such a context, seventy times seven is beyond numbering. Thus love does what it can in seeking conjunction with others. It apologizes for its own offenses and tries to make amends; and it overlooks, excuses and forgives the offenses of others for the sake of fellowship and harmonious friendship.
The third essential characteristic of love is that it seeks to bless others and make them happy (see Swedenborg, True Christianity 43). Real love has within it the desire that it should be as well with others as it is with
self unlike false love, which has within it the desire that it be better for self. Because real love is genuinely concerned with the happiness and welfare of others, it honestly seeks to be of service or use to them. As love wills, so does it do. It studies how it may please, and how it may be helpful. It regards occasions for service as opportunities, and looks upon the favors it does as no more than its obligations. It is zealous in its duties, and generous in its willingness to provide
assistance. Because love is concerned with the real welfare of others, it also therefore tries to be prudent and wise, that its effect may be for the neighbor's real good. (NCL, N.B. Rogers 1985, edited)
